U.S. States, ranked by credibility

As in, “Oh, you’re from ______?” How impressed will your conversation partner be?

TIER ONE: Practically their own countries

• California
• New York
• Texas

TIER TWO: Everyone knows what’s up with these States

• Washington and Oregon (bff with California)
• Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Massachusetts (wish they were New York)
• Maryland and Virginia (they fight for custody of D.C.)
• Ohio, Michigan, Illinois, Florida, Nevada, Hawaii (we all kind of like these ones)
• Louisiana, Utah (some bad juju here)

TIER THREE: Everyone remembers facts about these States from high school

• North Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Wisconsin, Minnesota (vague generalizations)
• Kentucky, Colorado, Iowa, Indiana, Connecticut, West Virginia (we’re all glad we don’t live here)

TIER FOUR: Your boss’s brother lived here one time, you think

• Arizona, New Mexico, Kansas, South Dakota, New Hampshire (warm fuzzy feelings)
• Arkansas, Oklahoma, Missouri, Alabama, South Carolina (vague unease)
• Maine, Alaska, Nebraska, Mississippi, Vermont (never even met anyone from there)

TIER FIVE: These may as well not even be States

• Deleware, Rhode Island (They’re just tax havens with gas stations)
• North Dakota, Wyoming, Montana, Idaho (guarantee you’d never miss ‘em)

BONUS ROUND: Did you know we own these ones?

• Puerto Rico (they’ll be a state in fifty years, guaranteed)
• Guam, American Samoa, the Northern Mariana Islands (how’d we get these?)
• the Phillipines (someday we’ll be back)